my life as a artist
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Consider Lily and give no thought for Raymond
Wednesday 7th February 2007 12:16 PM
I am rich in spirit but my landlady refuses to accept elevated thought as due payment for rent. This irritating attitude is unfortunately very popular with many tradespeople these days and my lanladies response has made me more determined to raise the consciousness of all sentient beings.
Most of our national product is gross and I would like to refine it by tapping into the massive hidden economy of thought. Richard Dawkins, in his latest book 'Trampling on little flowers', estimates that a kind thought and a smile could be worth £3.65 rising to £4.20 depending on the whiteness of the teeth.
Last year, the managing director of a London advertising agency 'earnt' 52 million pounds. That's a million a week.... and at 40 hours a week that's £25,000 per hour. If I had that job I'd work a morning in February and spend the rest of the time in elevated thought.
Does Rio Ferdinand have elevated thoughts? Dawkin's only knows. Rio is quite tall but that's not how it works. For strolling stylishly across the Old Trafford turf Rio earns a hundred grand a week and he's got a paper round. People that earn that sort of money often have a sluggish hidden economy of thought...
Does anybody want to buy some kind words?
Mmm.. that colour really suits you...£2.58
You look nice today............................£1.64
Na'then cock!.......................................£0.72
Bless you!..............................................£1.28
All these sentiments are genuine and currently in stock so buy now while your soul still walks this troubled planet..... lend us a fiver.....
Posted 12:16 PM | 171 Comments | Permalink
Alne arthritic 0 York corinthians 4
Monday 5th February 2007 8:22 PM
Two teams with a combined age of over one thousand years were on show at the Alne Superdome on Sunday. Despite the fine weather and the bewildering array of talent on offer, a lower than expected crowd of nil watched this fascinating encounter between two teams of contrasting kit..... The Corinthians, their fabulous torsos casting muscled shadows on their pristinely pressed and crested white shirts, looked and played like the the virgin brides of Real Madrid.
Alne Arthritic, their tiny, thin, frail stiff bodies ravaged with the decades of addiction to opium and absinthe, tried to wear mainly blue shirts. Their socks and shorts were a multi-coloured hotch-potch of jazzy riffs, a swirling maelstrom of free-expression and Norwich City. Fierce and proud, yet gentle and playful, Alne seemed to possess the gypsy soul of the great Hungarian team of the fifties....
The Corinthians were well drilled, direct and efficient, almost mechanical in the exactness of their passing and shooting whereas Alne were flambuoyant and exotic, quixotic and quicksilver, their midfield movement betraying a tender and rare sensitivity. It was the certainty of the sun versus the mystery of the moon......and it was the sun wot won it.........
Posted 8:22 PM | 1 Comments | Permalink
the roots of religion
Monday 5th February 2007 10:46 AM
On Saturday night did a great gig in Oswaldkirk village hall with my sister's band 'No sleep til bedtime'. It was a full house and the audience was enthusiastic and warm. One of my first ever gigs, twenty years ago (when I was ten) was in a pub in the pukkha village of Rosedale Abbey. It was in aid of 'Children in Need' and I was the half-time entertainment for a pub quiz. One of the questions was 'What is Englands largest wild carnivore?' An expensively dressed old dear in the front row put 'Notting Hill'.
Some of the punters were from Ampleforth, the generously named adjoining village. (you didn't win a medal...... but you came an ampleforth) I got into conversation at half-time with a nice man who played the organ at the local catholic boarding school, Ampleforth college. We discussed the roots of religion. I told him that the roots of Presbyterianism went back to ancient Egypt and that the religion was named after the then King of Memphis, Elvis Presby.
Today it's Monday again and tomorrows rent day. If I had large amounts of disposable capital I would manipulate the financial markets....... but I haven't so I'll probably have a cup of tea and do the Guardian crossword instead. I did this last Monday and didn't earn any money but I will not be discouraged........
Posted 10:46 AM | 27 Comments | Permalink
loose change
Friday 2nd February 2007 7:44 PM
watched a free on-line video last night called 'loose change'...( just google 'loose change', find web-site and watch) its about 9/11 and the upshot is that the whole thing was perpetrated by osama bin laden not. It appears to have been done by the american government themselves. If this is true, and it'll take some refuting , I'd have to say that they have been very very naughty indeed!....4 million americans have apparently watched this film and I'm sure many more are going to. I've seen similar stuff about 7/7 and how that was done with full knowledge of the british government.... if this stuff catches on were in for a very interesting time. Mainstream media, when its not ignoring it completely, is always very sniffy about this stuff but the guardian gave the film a full page review....Watch this space, and other ones too... I might be feeling funnier tomorrow
Posted 7:44 PM | 0 Comments | Permalink
mmm...monday
Monday 29th January 2007 9:55 PM
Yesterday met a woman who lives just the other side of Flamingoland.. theres a strange animal attraction between us......Went to town for coffe with groovy chick mum.Went to the Blue Fly. Coffes good and theres a covered place to sit and people spot...... We saw Ivy from the paper shop, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, the Andrews sisters, Malcolm, Frank Ifield, Wane Rewni, Uri Geller and Smokey Robinson and two Miracles all in the space of an hour!........... Angelina and Brad wanted to chat but my Mum said she had to go to get some vegetarian gravy granules from the scoop shop. I asked Angelina if she'd fancy doing the charity shops with me one day and she said no. I said I wouldn't try and touch her bosoms but she still said no. Maybe I should have said I would try and touch her bosoms. Sometimes its hard being a sensitive man............Uri Geller didnt stop but we didnt mind because we hadn't stirred our coffees yet... and Frank Ifield! Do you remember Frank Ifield? He remembers you, your the the one that made his dreams come true. I saw him once at Butlins when I was five but he didn't remember me. Its all self, self, self with these performers.. although you couldnt say that about the Andrews Sisters.Bless their lip-sticked teeth!They asked us if we'd seen Bing. My Mum thought they wanted the bingo and things got a bit confusing. Then Smokey and the two Miracles appeared and calmed things down...they were great.. I asked them if they fancied coming round to my place for a jam and they said no. One of the Miracles told me that sadly they had to go because they were going to a Go Go ... then we had a flapjack.
Posted 9:55 PM | 34 Comments | Permalink
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