my life as a artist
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Friday 26th December 2008 7:40 PM
The akashic records, as described by 19th century theosophists, is a compendium of mystical knowledge encoded in a non-physical plane of existence, which contains all knowledge of human experience and the history of the cosmos. Imagine my girlish yelps of delight therefore, when last weekend, at Rufforth car-boot sale with my mum, amongst the unwanted warped frisbees of the disappointed, I came across a second-hand akashic record player, that looked in reasonable condition for its obvious age. The bloke who was selling it wanted a tenner for it, but he said because it needed a new pineal gland, he'd give it to me for £8:50.
When I got back to the caravan, Mark the farmer was hanging round looking for a couple of lost old English bantams, so I invited him in and showed him my latest car-boot triumph. Farmers are good at delivering bad news, and there was a noticeable wrinkle of compassion around his eyes when he pointed out that the akashic record player I'd bought was actually a Bush Dansette, circa 1964, with 'akashic record player' written on it in black felt-tip, and if the same bloke was there next week, I should go and ask for my money back.
I then knew that when the car-boot man told me that I could probably buy a used pineal gland on-line, at 'chakras-r-us', he was pulling the wool over my eyes, but among the inter-weaving threads of that too big bobble-hat of lies, I've since come to realise that in a tricksterish sort of way he'd given me a subtle teaching, part of which was not to be so stupid.
When I googled (there's no noun that can't be verbed) 'pineal gland', I found out that it's the term used by Richard Dawkins for the third-eye. Apparently, it's a little sack, shaped like a pine-cone, about the size of a pea, and hides out in a tiny little cave above and behind the pituitary gland, more or less in the centre of your brain. One half of the sack has the complete structure of the human eye, including photo-receptive retinal rods and cones, and the other half is water.
Zaf, the smiley owner of the local Indian take-away, whose knowledge of the world obviously extends beyond vegetable dansak, says it's some sort of inner plasma-screen, hi-definition, dig-it-all TV, (that receives channels from goodness knows where), with an in-built akashic record-player. He tells me that operating manuals for it have been available in his home country, India, for thousands of years, but most people still don't even know how to turn it on, never mind operate it. He tells me that 'akasha', the root word of 'akashic', means 'sky' in Hindi, so I imagine you probably need a dish for it.
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