my life as a artist
sheep worrying
Monday 2nd March 2009 10:27 PM
These are worrying times. For a start there's Tom Archer's sausage business. I'm not referring to a case of infidelity here, but the attempts by a fictional young man to make his way in the world of tubular meat products on the planet Ambridge. Tom Archer is a very dull Luke Skywalker sort, and he's about to let Matt Crawford/Darth Vader into his sausage business, and there's a concern that Tom's once organic sausages are going to have a slight after-taste of sulphur.
Having been a vegetarian for over thirty years I shouldn't care about this stuff, and if I'd had the good sense to turn the radio off after the News Quiz, I wouldn't have got involved, but I didn't and I was. However, although Tom is fictional, and at best a thinly drawn character, his trials and tribulations contained more solid truth than the preceding two minutes of Radio 4 news.
The Ramayana is a great Indian epic about the seventh incarnation of Lord Vishnu, and although not primarily set in the West Midlands, has many similarities to the Archers. In this time of atheist triumphalism, when the world's great religions like Hinduism and the The Archers are mocked as infantile delusions, it's important to remember the value of mythic truth.
'A myth does not describe what happened in some obscure period before human reckoning, but what happens always and repeatedly. It does not explain the causal origins of our world, but rehearses its permanent spiritual significance.'
That last bit was a quote from philosopher and writer, Roger Scruton. I heard him on Question Time and he sounded vaguely right-wing and crusty, and because his name was pleasingly near to 'scrotum', I thought he might be a suitable candidate for satire. However, the first thing I read when I googled him was that quote, so I'll let him be. He's right-wing, but obviously a lot more thoughtful than Matt Crawford, and if Tom Archer ever gets the chance to get him interested in his sausage business, he should take it.
Another worrying thing. A beautiful rare orchid. 'This is a beautiful rare orchid' says a voice full of due reverence and wonder. In the background there's an explosion and suddenly razored shards of a shattered vinyl record are piercing and slicing through the Beautiful Rare Orchid. Heralded by music that sounds like a cross between a road drill and a car alarm, we see the sap-smeared remains of our new-found flower-friend, lying on the pixillated ground, a massacre of shredded petals and bleeding stems.
Denied even the redemptive path of composting, our Beautiful Rare Orchid's body is then crushed into oblivion by the huge jack-booted tyre of a monstrous quad-bike, as a voice full of due madness and menace shouts above the cacophony, 'We're going to the most beautiful place on the planet, and we're going to rip it up!'
This advert for Playstation 3 immediately preceded a public information broadcast telling me about the potential dangers of smoking cannabis, but because I was so upset about the mindless slaughter of the Beautiful Rare Orchid, I thought it was worth taking a chance. Afterwards, as I watched the football, I forgave Manchester United for winning everything.
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Or it could read Roger's Cruton, i.e. a small crust of esoteric toast.
PS: Cacophony is always more lyrical than mere noise.
Posted by Indigo , on Tuesday 3rd March 2009, 9:10 PM
No matter what you write, if your name is Scruton then someone is bound to take the pee.
What is the drug of choice for PS3 owners?
Posted by John (aka Jonault aka Jono) , on Tuesday 3rd March 2009, 8:45 PM
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