my life as a artist

channeling

Saturday 12th September 2009 12:54 AM

These last few days I've been horizontal with a heavy cold so I've watched a bit more telly than usual, and in between puffing on the pleasant opium that is Harry Potter, The Simpsons, The Beatles and football, I've found the adverts like an unwelcome spreading pool of spilt bong-water.

Apparently, BMW make joy while Toyota brings families and films together. I actually drive a Toyota, hopefully making me seem marginally less delusional than BMW drivers.

There was an extremely loud, nasty, bang-bang, shouty-shouty psycho-trailer for an obviously unpleasant new film called 'Gamers', which promised 'real lives, real deaths' followed immediately by an army recruitment advert, which promised responsibility, explosions and travel, but could easily have just stayed with the same tag-line.

This evening, during the Simpsons, instead of watching the adverts, (which I feel have been weakening my auto-immune system), I went outside into the garden and searched for a really still butterfly, so that I could look at it. I was soon obliged by a flirtatious Painted Lady, sunning herself on the irises and tremulous like a new flower. There was something strangely familiar about her, in her character, the way she was, her little foibles, that reminded me of a certain caterpillar, called Susan, that I'd met a couple of weeks ago in amongst the dwarf beans, but she looked so completely and utterly different that I couldn't see how it could possibly have been her.

Amongst the soft green furnishings of that living living-room, her wings shone out like television screens, full-colour, high-definition, pixilated miracles of animated dust, broadcasting from a dishless sky the thrilling adventures of an iridescent planet and its beautiful soul. Uninterrupted by adverts, and not featuring Stephen Fry, this compelling drama was more than television, it was life itself.

Just before she flew off, I had a realisation that this gorgeous, elegant creature was none other than the frumpy, wriggly Susan that I'd known in the dwarf beans all those days ago. She'd always been ambitious, even then, but at the same time very self-conscious about her looks, and would often experiment with different styles to somehow compensate. She seemed to have a different exoskeleton every time you saw her, and I remember meeting her once, and overnight she'd gone from having eight pairs of legs to three pairs. She did look a bit less fussy, but at the end of the day, she was still black and yellow, wriggly, and very, very hairy.

The last time I saw her she'd taken to her bed, stopped eating, and was wearing a very 1930's one-piece exoskeleton in cream. Mark the farmer said he'd seen her on Tuesday, and he told me that in act of extreme minimalism, Susan had decided to disintegrate and become liquid. At the time I thought she'd gone too far, but as it's turned out, she's obviously done really well for herself and I'm delighted for her. She's a credit to creation and a lesson to us all.

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