my life as a artist
love is an open-ended thing
Tuesday 13th February 2007 10:28 PM
tomorrow is St Valentines day....be still my beating heart.... well, not completely still obviously, that would be dangerous......
Ah, the mysteries of love! How will the postman manage his distended sac(k) as he makes his way to my front door? What fabulous messages of love and lust will he push thru' the moist letter box... ( it's raining, OK)... How will I find the time to read them? What gentle ways can I find to let down the hundreds of admirers who will not be my beloveds?
I shall start the day by bathing in unsweetened soya milk. If the postman is not too busy I shall ask him to scatter rose petals in my bath and maybe sing a medley of Carpenters songs to me. Then I will eat a love breakfast of special muesli in cooled bathwater. The muesli, a one-off valentine mix from Harrods, is a unique blend of rolled oats, wheat germ and hazel nuts. Each hazel nut is intricately carved into one of the postures from the karma sutra. This muesli is so powerfully erotic that you have to swallow it quickly otherwise you get a stiff neck.
Then I will open my Valentine cards. I will file them alphabetically but will cross-reference them to indicate age, nationality and pulchritude. The unsigned ones will be sent to a reputable graphologist, and depending on the results may be sent for further analysis to social services or the police.
Then I will make my body a love temple, a parthenon of passion, a giant out-of-town tesco of erotic desire. First I will cleanse it within, by going for a dump on the porta-potti in the shed. Then I will run thru the fields and absorb the vital energies of the natural world, obviously, having first washed my hands. I shall return charged with a magnetic love energy generated by the pumping pistons of my fabulous thighs.
and if my love should not arrive I will do the Guardian crossword... and if still she does not appear, I might do the sudoku.
Comments
what price the thornless rose
and where for art indeed it grows
not in the wales of snow and ice
consumptive lovers retail vice
stick to yer muesli and chase the gram of ana :
breaking xword crunch
u smile
Posted by duxicus bethel , on Friday 23rd February 2007, 12:44 PM
We haven't headr any more from you, Rory, since before Valentine's Day and we're worried you drowned in the ocean of lotion? got seduced by the postman? are still working on the sudoku? (I know that doesn't rhyme)
Posted by Out to lunch , on Wednesday 21st February 2007, 3:42 PM
Sodoku?
Had a wank, more likely.
Posted by Steve , on Wednesday 14th February 2007, 7:12 PM
Did you finish the crossword?
Posted by Tom , on Wednesday 14th February 2007, 6:19 PM
The thought of Motion bathing in an ocean of lotion
is a powerful notion
which may cause a commotion of emotion
in the heart of a romantic Laotian
or deny Town a promotion
which would be crap
Posted by William Simon Wordsworthless , on Wednesday 14th February 2007, 12:09 PM
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