my life as a artist
mysteries
Friday 18th May 2007 11:54 PM
Why is the milk of a red cow white, if it only eats green grass? My mother has sung this question to me for nearly fifty years and I still don't know the answer. I would have imagined it to be a sort of greeny red colour, almost brown. Maybe they bleach it. I'm hoping my mum will tell me the answer soon.
Last night some aliens from the star system of Sirius landed in the field between the caravan park and the golf-course, and came round and watched the EUFA cup final between Espanyol and Sevilla on channel 5. In space they can only watch the matches that are broadcast on satellite, so if there's an important match that's only on terrestrial, they have to come to Earth to watch it. One of them brought a packet of Pringles, which unfortunately had lost a lot of it's crispness through too much inter-dimensional space travel, but was nevertheless a thoughtful gesture. I did wonder if they were going to perform sexual experiments on me, so a packet of Pringles was a nice surprise.
A couple of them got quite pissed on some organic tempranillo that I got on offer from the co-op, but as Sevilla, 'their team', won 3-1 on penalties, they were fine. Except for a bit of radioactive slime on the sofa they were no trouble at all. Before they left, they gave me a piece of super hi-tech laser communication hardware. They said if I reverse-engineered it I could patent it and make a few bob. I gave them a Tupperware container for their Pringles.
As I walked them to their spaceship, (mainly to stop them mutilating Mark's cows) I marvelled at the passion that the game of football engenders in the hearts of so many varied sentient beings across the universe. I suggested that next time they came we could arrange a game. Me and my mates could be Man United and they could be Spaceman United.
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Hi Andy, just been checking out your work. I loved it. I'll keep checking out the blog, there's not much that you read on the net that makes you laugh out loud in an empty room, but that did. The art was fantastic too: a real renaissance man. Sh
Posted by Richard Maurice , on Monday 21st May 2007, 7:56 AM
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