my life as a artist
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eat my blog
Thursday 12th July 2007 12:34 AM
Dear hungry blog-eater,
Before you try and touch me with your tasting tongue, or put me in your mouth and mash me with your mind's molars, or just swallow me whole, without bread and butter, consider this. While all the ingredients of these blogs are home-grown and organic, many of them are unwashed, and you may find them dirty or gritty sometimes. That's farming today, I'm afraid.
Truth is the brown rice of any balanced blog. Cultural insights and clever wordplay may be pumpkins and beans, and witty one liners could be lime and chilli pickle, but without truth we can't go to the toilet the next day. When I cook truth for a blog, I always make too much, because I know that if I leave it in the fridge, I can go back to it a few days later, and it'll still be true.
Today's truth is special, it's basmati. I'm serving it to you as a love offering. It's my way of saying, 'You're more to me than just a tall, pixillated blue tower on a webstat graph.'
When I started blogging in January, to be honest, you were a funny looking little thing. You were small and squat and actually wider than you were tall. However, in March and April, your stocky, blue body grew strong and you became taller than the beige tower. (I don't know who that is, but don't worry, you're taller than them). In May, fed by the fabulous pumpkins of spring fever, you trebled in size, and on mid-summers day, you stood before me, a bright-eyed, handsome, tall, pixellated blue tower on a webstat graph, and I was proud of you!
However, in the last two weeks of June, while hitting the road in a loving way, I abandoned you. Caught up in the selfish solipsism of showbiz, I left you to your own devices, deserted you, neglected you. The next time I saw you, I'd swear you'd shrunk. I don't know who you'd been hanging out with, but your trousers were torn, your complexion wasn't good and I could see you'd been fighting. I'm not completely sure, but I think you were on drugs as well.
Since then I've been trying to feed you up, by including extra protein, in the form of cliff-hangers and memories of Stingray, and I'm glad to say you're nearly back to your old self again. This intense catering has, however, not been without considerable cost to myself. I feel a blog should be of the day and complete within itself, whereas for the last two weeks it feels as though I've been writing an e-novel. All that narrative and connecty bits… it's doin' me 'ead in.
At the end of the latest chapter of my latest e-novel, 'On t'road',I was in a remote Welsh cottage with my friend Pat, about to listen to myself on radio 4, in a recording from the Glastonbury Festival. To create a bit of bearable tension, I said that I didn't think it would be very good.
As it happened, the programme wasn't very funny at all. The fact that I'd been edited out and replaced with another comedian, and nobody had told me, didn't raise much of a chuckle either. The next chapter of the e-novel was, at some point, going to veer off the narrative, and I was going to deliver a self-indulgent, bridge-burning diatribe against Radio 4.
However, while listening to the Archers, I decided not to, for various reasons. What are those reasons? Are they valid? Find out soon, here, at the new, different, fresh, organic, cybertastic, rorymotion.com! Now with added meaning!
Comments
ehup luv. ta muchly, Jim.x
Posted by jim , on Sunday 5th August 2007, 8:10 PM
I've been following the validation words (that commenters have to enter below to prove they're not spammers) with interest. They change every time - allegedly at random - but often seem to have some meaning. The one today is 'coward'.
Posted by Steve , on Sunday 15th July 2007, 8:39 PM
Hmm - added a comment re addition of violence to your blog, and only half of it made it. I was feeling a bit self-congratulatory on my wit but now I'm just deflated
Posted by Sadand Insane , on Friday 13th July 2007, 1:02 PM
Ah - so its going to be like Prison Break, or 24 (i.e. everyone a cliffhanger) but without the gratuitous violence & body count. Actually if you could add some mayhem and physical carnage (other than the effects of the new batch of skunk) to your blog
Posted by Quentin Tarantino , on Friday 13th July 2007, 12:47 PM
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