my life as a artist
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knees up mother earth
Sunday 15th July 2007 11:30 PM
There was a time, when if somebody mentioned Madonna and Jordan, I would think of the mother of Jesus, and the river he was baptised in. Now, unfortunately and shamefully, I think instead of breasts, conical and large respectively. I'm hip and down with the kids enough to know that Madonna has had some sensational smash-hit, number-one pop singles in the chart parade, and that there's been a few films in what she has acted, but none of those achievements, to me, have been as striking or memorable as her funnily funnely, comical conical breasts.
Jordan's real name is Katie Price. I know this, because in my Mum's flat, under the glass top of the coffee-table, openly and unashamedly, for all to see, is a pile of old copies of Hello! magazine, donated by the fabulous Betty. This afternoon, while my Mum was making the coffee, I had a furtive flick through, and came across a sickeningly long article about Ms Price and her suckling, bicepped beau, Peter Andre. One particular photo, of a straight-backed Ms Price, atop the arm of a large sofa, looking meaningfully into the distance, put me in mind of Landseers 'Monarch of the Glen'.
I was rescued from Planet of the Idiots by my Mum, who returned with a cafetiere of in-date, fair-trade, organic coffee, ( Rufforth car-boot sale, 50p for 250 grams), and some of her fabulous, home-made, lemon and ginger biscuits. These deliciously scented, firm yet yielding, excitingly innovative but reassuringly traditional, subtly textured, crunchtastic, beige moons of loveliness are the pinnacle of the biscuit-makers art.
My mother is obviously a very talented woman, more so in my opinion, than either Madonna or Jordan. She's well dressed, her flat is tastefully furnished, and she has large breasts, yet not once has she featured in Hello! magazine. I think she needs to get a better agent.
Comments
ok ok - Rory - there is something wrong with your comments poster !
My last comment (now appearing below) contained 490 characters, but was cut to around 200. Second time this has happened.
Is this automated editorial control ?
Posted by disillusioned blog replyer , on Tuesday 17th July 2007, 1:08 PM
And she doesn't greet everyone she meets with the words "I'm 81 you know", even though she's perfectly entitled to do so. I hope I have not put off any potential agents by revealing her true age.
Her true skill is wish fulfilmen
Posted by Jade Baddy , on Tuesday 17th July 2007, 12:55 PM
CELEBRITY = SHIT
Posted by Les Miserable , on Monday 16th July 2007, 9:31 PM
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