my life as a artist
| Calendar |
|---|
hoof fasting
Saturday 15th September 2007 7:08 PM
Since I've been giving Molly the Shetland pony organic carrots from Alligator wholefoods, she's started looking more and more beautiful. This morning, in the delicate silver mist of dawn, with her rich straw-coloured hair flopping over her sleek, noble brow, she looked uncannily like Cate Blanchett.
I look at Jimmy the donkey, with his huge white ears and flea-bitten nose, and think 'Is she really going out with him?' I know she is, and so do the cow and calf, and the chickens, geese and rabbits, because we saw them licking each other in the corner of the field.
Despite my childish and unreasonable jealousy, I also give Jimmy organic carrots, and in many ways I admire him, not only for his calm, friendly manner and inordinately large penis, but also for his personal hygiene.
Jimmy is so spotless, that if I'd run out of crockery and he was a very occasional table, I'd eat my lunch off him, so long as it was something integral, like a sesame tofu-burger, rather than scrambled egg or soup. (Obviously, for health and safety reasons, I'd let the non-meat burger cool down before I put it on his back, and I wouldn't do it if either of us was driving or using a mobile
phone)
The cluck amongst the chickens is that Jimmy and Molly might get married in spring, and everyone's hoping that Archbishop Santamu will do the service. He proved, when he led England's first gay goose wedding, at this farm, in January, that he doesn't mind getting his cassock dirty.
However, his secretary wrote to inform us that the Church of England can't sanction a marriage between two different types of animal. To me, and Bachman Turner Overdrive, any loving is good loving, and the love between a Shetland pony and a donkey is a beautiful thing, but to the Archbishop of Canterbury, Rowan Williams, and his council of bishops, it's just mucky. I think Rowan's become a little narrow-minded these days, and to be honest, I think he was much better when he was in The Incredible String Band.
Unless we can fly in a sympathetic bishop, from Uganda,say, then we'll have to have a pagan wedding, otherwise we'd have Jimmy and Molly living in sin.(and that would be mucky)
Comments
Don't be jealous of Jimmy, Rory - you are lovely as you are. And maybe try to get out more.
Posted by Ann Ardentfan , on Tuesday 18th September 2007, 3:02 PM
Probably the Welsh ancestry.
Posted by Dai Diddlyaidai , on Tuesday 18th September 2007, 12:59 PM
Is it just me, or is 'inter-species erotica' cropping up alarmingly often in this blog?
Posted by Steve , on Monday 17th September 2007, 9:01 PM
Add Comment
