my life as a artist
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hello out there
Tuesday 11th December 2007 4:34 PM
Hello out there, or, bearing in mind that I'm beginning to suspect that outer-space is exactly the same place as inner-space, hello in there.
Did you know that human beings are generally the mean size of an atom and the sun? Alan Shearer mentioned it during a discussion of the Aston Villa, Portsmouth match on Match of the Day on Saturday night. Gary Lineker, who was expecting Alan to say something more along the lines of 'Benjani's done great there', seemed genuinely excited. Intimations of the underlying divine order behind existence seemed to suffuse the BBC studio with an air of renewed hope and understanding, and on this form, I'd say that Alan Shearer was a shoe-in for the post of England manager.
Further to the Linton Kwesi Johnson blog from last week, Linton's first response to 'was this poem written with irony?' was a low, growled, 'That is not my aesthetic.' This weeks 'Poetry through history' reverted to type, with an epic poem by Very Very Dryden about the fire of London. According to Very Very, it seems the king did everything semi-divinely possible to put out the flames, and that the ultimate culprit was the wind, which, rather suspiciously, came from Belgium.
On Friday evening I drove to Bollington in Cheshire to do a stand-up gig. The M62 at that time, in the rain, with a bit in the middle of the windscreen that my sub-standard wipers would only smear, was a true test of my warrior spirit. The concrete surgeons of the highways department were mine enemy, and as I turned south onto the M60, I felt that, as a malevolent foe, they were ever-vigilant. As far as I'm concerned, the A6 is a big, important road, and if I'd built the M60, when I crossed over it, I'd have said something. As it was, I had to intuit. When things started to feel really 'A sixy', I took the next exit, and ended up in a place called 'Edgely', which, according to my AA book of the road, didn't exist, and was in fact, just a play on words.
However, Bollington, which really puts the ling in Bolton, found me. I got the gig via Agraman, the human anagram, who only books me into places where he feels the audience would be willing to put up with my pleasantness. I got an encore, and they seemed to like it all, except for one line. I was explaining about the roots of words, and how 'education' is taken from the Latin, 'educare', and means 'to be bored in an under-ventilated room'. They laughed at that, but when I followed it up with, 'if you say it three times, it means 'I'm going to spend all the money on bombs', there was complete silence, which being the sound of no-hands clapping, had a certain zen quality to it. All I could say was, 'just me then', and move swiftly on to a posh knob-gag.
After the gig I was explaining to the compere, Dynamite Dave, that twenty years ago the comedy circuit had a bit more edge. 'Yes', said Dave, 'but it's different these days, there's nothing to protest about, is there?' Dynamite, Dave, dynamite.
Comments
as i was saying, twilight of the gods
Posted by hippy in the horn , on Wednesday 12th December 2007, 2:32 PM
Ummmm...???'if you say it three times, it means 'I'm going to spend all the money on bombs'...I don't get it either And on another note...wow, Dave. I guess its good to be reminded that people like him exist in vast numbers. Tw;ig
Posted by hippy in the horn , on Wednesday 12th December 2007, 2:28 PM
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