my life as a artist
a wim-wam for ducks to peak on
Monday 19th May 2008 10:50 PM
Dear Reader, where the hell have I been? I could say that I've been to upper-bub'orth, where they stuff monkeys with doo-uff (dough), or that I've been there and back to see how far it is, or maybe been to see a man about a dog. Truth is, the non-cyber world, where blood tastes salty and the scent of may-blossom mingles with donkey-farts, has been so demanding of late that I haven't been able to indulge in my usual reverie.
Yesterday was the last fixture of the 0ver 35's season, and you'll be over the moon to know, that after fifty-one years of hurt, I've finally won some silverware. Although it only stands seven and a half inches tall, one day I'm going to build a huge trophy room to put it in. It's a model of a football boot, done in platinum, with gold studs and trim, and it's mounted on an obsidian plinth that bears a silver plaque, inscribed with the words; 'York Corinthians Sunday Morning Team, Top Goal Scorer'.
With the one I scored this morning, I ended up with twenty-three, which as my Mum rightly says, is a great strike-rate at any level. Due to my unorthodox finishing, many of my team-mates suggested that a platinum shin-pad would have been more appropriate, and they were also keen to point out that, due to the unusual accounting of our tight-lipped, ashen-faced maestro, Brian, twelve of the goals were actually scored in the pre-match warm-ups.
After an emotional presentation in the pub, and an open-topped bicycle reception in the farmyard, (surprisingly free of paparazzi), I went home to re-hydrate, and take on board some isotonic dahl and Earl Grey power tea, because as far as I'm concerned, next season starts now. Obviously, I have savoured my triumph, but because I don't want to lose focus, or appear arrogant, I've been doing it when I'm on my own, in the conservatory, and even then, only for twenty minutes at a time.
Comments
Hi Pat - sorry to have missed you. I arrived just after you left and the menu had changed - but was still delicious!
Posted by Steve , on Friday 23rd May 2008, 6:58 PM
do you see how rapidly football turns to talk of offensive weapons? sign of the times, i daresay. anyway, what i really wanted to say was rory's isotonic dahl is as tip top as his soccer skills (& the validation word is TEAM)
Posted by sociological hippy in the horn , on Friday 23rd May 2008, 1:02 PM
Best way to fish for U16 is with the depth charge. Kaboom, splash!
Posted by John (aka Jonault aka Jono) , on Thursday 22nd May 2008, 8:22 PM
Is a U16 some sort of Nazi submarine? It seems very unsporting to use one in a fishing contest.
Posted by Steve , on Wednesday 21st May 2008, 11:30 PM
I have three trophies for U16 fishing contests. When no one else is home I like to hold them and laugh in a Dr Evil style (Buwah ha ha haaaar)which always gives me great satisfaction. Well done!
Posted by John (aka Jonault, aka Jono) , on Wednesday 21st May 2008, 8:09 PM
I bet the trophy's made of plastic really. Come on, be honest.
Posted by Les Miserable , on Wednesday 21st May 2008, 4:34 PM
Sorry Rory, but I always thought it was "wig-wams for ducks to perk on". Or is your title intended to be satirical?
Posted by slow motion , on Monday 19th May 2008, 11:52 PM
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