my life as a artist
why tv
Tuesday 21st October 2008 10:02 PM
I was scanning the TV programmes for Friday night, and the first thing that caught my eye, like a splash of hot fat from a chip-pan, was that at 10:35, on BBC 1, if I wanted to, I could watch the Jonathon Ross Show with Ricky Gervais and Gordon Ramsay. I then go on to find out that between the hours of ten and eleven, across all the main channels, excepting Channel 5, I could choose to be in the company of either Frank Skinner, Al Murray, pub landlord, Alan Carr or Jeremy Clarkson.
Ah, winter draws on! We watch the TV instead of the fire, and the flames of these particular flickering numpkins don't give out any heat at all, and they leave a lot of clinker. They remind me of the very expensive bags of coal that you can buy at service stations, that turn out to be lumps of concrete painted black. I've told a couple of producers from Yorkshire TV that I burn sweet and hot like seasoned hawthorn, but they haven't got back to me yet.
When I've got a bucket of bile, brimming with rancour, freshly-drawn from my deep well of bitterness, I know that I should really drive to Bridlington, bless it, and pour it into the sea, but sometimes I find it easier to throw it over other entertainers, who've got more work than I have. Rather than give in to an unseeing cloud of prejudice, jealousy and impotent rage, I thought it my duty to transcend such base emotion, and try and offer some sort of rational critique, so I tried to watch a bit of the Jonathon Ross show for research purposes. However, after two minutes of toe-curling cheese, ironically spread on a cheap corn-cracker of excruciating insincerity, I had to turn it off and go back to the blind, judgemental approach. Sometimes it can be a real time-saver.
Like Wayne Rooney, like gold, like virtue, time is becoming increasingly precious, and yet people so often just waste it. We live in a time of massive time-debt, because for hundreds of years, there's been people out there who'll steal a couple of minutes, and then lend it out as though it was half an hour. The time I saved on Friday night, by not watching the Jonathon Ross show, was saved in a fair-trade, special high-interest, personal account, which I cashed in at my local Bank of Eternity, and spent on doing a poster for an upcoming gig with the Travelling Libraries.
The gig will be at the Winning Post on the 7th November, and I'll tell you more about it soon, but because I really splashed out on the poster, I'm afraid I've run out of time.
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Posted by canadian payday loans , on Thursday 1st July 2010, 9:03 PM
Rory, you must be experiencing some schadenfreude today with Ross and Brand falling from grace. Send your CV in quick .....
Posted by tjj , on Wednesday 29th October 2008, 7:31 PM
Wish you had written this post earlier Rory, I really needed Bridlington the other day. (Its a non-story so I'll not bore you). Thanks for making me smile a true smile.
Posted by tjj , on Thursday 23rd October 2008, 7:27 AM
You're really funny Rory. Why aren't you on telly? I did write to them, like you asked me to.
Posted by Steve , on Wednesday 22nd October 2008, 9:03 PM
What day is the 7th? Will it clash with the Jonathan Ross show? Will there be slightly disappointing prizes? Oooohhh the anticipation.
Posted by John (aka Jonault aka Jono) , on Wednesday 22nd October 2008, 7:34 PM
Will the gig be on telly then?
Posted by Les Miserable , on Wednesday 22nd October 2008, 3:27 PM
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